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Judo Inter-tertiary competition 2012

2012-01-08T21:44:00.001+08:00

Judo was something I decided to pick up at the beginning of August, mainly cause NUS karate proved to be too boring with its lack of sparring and having to start from white belt again.
It has become something that is quite interesting actually. It's not so much about power as it is about technique - feeling the opponent's momentum, anticipating and countering his moves, tricking people (hehehe).
After starting judo, I've acquired many more bruises and sprains, definitely.
But the sport is enjoyable, both technical and mentally engaging enough to earn itself a place in most multi-sports meets.

I think it's something that I will grow to like even more as time goes by.

Being human - living miniature lives

2012-01-04T18:39:00.001+08:00

I'm on the train now, reading David's (discussion group leader during the recent baptist youth camp) note about being gripped by the gospel. He questioned if we really had any tangible takeaways from the camp.

Pondering this, an realization came to me. Looking at the vermillion evening rays that bathed the scene framed by the window, I don't think it is just to credit the beauty to just nature. Surely be there must be a higher being, God, who planned for this.

Looking at all the commuters around me, I wonder how much of this world I am experiencing now. I think my knowledge of everything will never even be a fraction of what the world offers, since there are so many other people around me, such that my presence might not be necessary for the world to continue turning. Even if I suppose that I am slightly better than some, what difference would it make? The uncle selling noodles downstairs probably wouldn't give a damn if I graduated med school with honors, or if I failed a test.

My main takeaway would definitely be the awareness that I'm nothing much, and my worries could easily be brushed off if I submit myself to the plan of the higher God that determines the fate of all. With this awareness of our miniature existences, I think Christians and non Christians will both be able to live a life that is not plagued by worry and trepidation.

A grown up childhood

2011-12-26T21:32:00.002+08:00

Just some bits and pieces from my vacation to the land of warm smiles and friendly greetings from strangers. Where Christian radio stations actually exist in abundance, kids are raised having no chance to enter the ranks of the 草莓族, and people are honest with themselves.

1) It's a romantic place

After six years, I finally got the chance to return to the place where I spent three years of my childhood. The main drive behind this decision was originally to visit my dad and make it easier for him to get through this tough 7 month assignment to the US. Initially, I didn't have that many expectations for the trip, but thanks to dad's meticulous planning, it turned out to be much more than I bargained for.

Seeing Corvallis again after so long brought back many memories. The swimming center where I spent so much time at didn't change much, while cheldelin middle school and basically the town itself seemed much smaller than before. No wonder David and Lisa said there wasn't much to do there. Even getting chapped lips, enduring the chilling weather, and slipping on sleet were things I unknowingly missed. The laid back and slow pace of living is something that would probably be impossible in Singapore. Even thinking about the things I liked about the town - the roller coaster hill, ashbrook, and friends' houses - are making me start to miss the place.

Shopping proved to be a different experience from plain old Singapore too. Singaporean service cannot compare. Here, the sales assistants not only enthusiastically approach you, but also engage in small talk with you, and even generously recommend other shops to you when they feel that your taste could be more in line with another shop's goods. I was genuinely surprised when I was drawn a map of how to get to a competitor store. and by the way, I have no idea why people would want to do shopping in singapore when everything is so overpriced... And when customer service of both shops and restaurants make you feel distant.

There were also many times that I felt the urge to take out my camera to snap a few shots. There is so much to see no matter where I go. Be it the big cities, suburbmodern mountains. Such urges are less frequently felt in Singapore, probably since there is no space nor heritage to build a landscape that is anything but "modern" and "metropolitan".

2) Gaining a new perspective of "old" people

Since I left America just after entering adolescence, I don't remember too much about the social aspects of life. But this time when I returned, friends have grown up and I felt really lucky to not go around visiting and doing things alone like a hobo tourist. Haha. Seeing them almost completing university, and even people who were younger than me going into uni second year, i felt a mix of envy and regret. Maybe if I had stayed in the US, I'll be getting my honors in an ivy league college in a year's time. Maybe this is why I feel that I might have made the wrong choice to have returned to singapore, and a little clumsy with my 2320 SAT that could have actually gotten me somewhere. But, on the bright side, I got to experience national service, and also the disgustingly competitive singaporean culture, probably arising from the lack of freedom in Singapore. Of course, we are free to do almost anything that we wanted, but there is so little support, infrastructure, and government encouragement to do anything that does not contribute to the economy directly. Maybe that's why we need to implement things like "eat with your family day", and finally start up schools for music and sports. But again, these things are only viable options for the top in each category. And there's the cca system that attempts to get children to try more things. As someone who was in this system, I think it's able to entangle one into something you dislike for 4 whole years, which takes up so much time that he has no energy to do what he actually want to do.

Skiing on weekends, going to dances, and listening to hardly anything on the top 40s. The definition of fun also seems more authentic. Man, how do they find so much time to do such things? Friend who decided to pursue college education overseas, you have my envy. Oh well, at least I'm doing my best taking art in different things, experiencing different things, and trying to experience more of uni life before third year kicks in. (gonna be staying in hall from next sem onwards!)

I think American raised kids have the potential to become quite wise and capable.. This conclusion was formed thanks to Lisa and Becky, only 19 and 14 and able to do so much around the house as well as in extracurricular activities. A girl who can run 400m in 60 seconds? Come on, most guys can't even do that! I'm ready to start missing the friends I hung out with a when I end reach home on Xmas eve. Gonna be missing the way I'm asked to pronounce "adult" and "stage", and Lisa driving me around town to meet old friends and even her ex, which was totally random. Never felt so spontaneous in a long while.

I'll definitely make an effort to come back here again, for the people I know when I was younger, and also for the view from the top of the mountain. On another note, I'm really thankful to god for allowing me the chance to have spent my childhood there, so that I'm able to turn into the person I am today. I'm glad I can talk to people easily, and that I'm not afraid to try new things.

3) Just skiing

Originally, I was looking forward to spending 3 days on the slopes carving snow with a pair of skis, but thanks to friends calling me a pussy, I decided instead to try snowboarding for the first time. I think it's one of the best decisions I made on this trip. As Lisa told me: on a scale of 1 to 10, if skiing had a difficulty of 2, snowboarding would be 8. That was so true... A lot more balance and courage is required for snowboarding, apart from a very hard ass.. I've fallen down at lease 50 times over 2 days (couldn't continue on the 3rd day cause my butt got destroyed, even now i have trouble sitting). Though the trails I could do was limited down to just green ones, I have no idea why I suggested that we take the lift to the top of the mountain. Maybe cause it was the last run of the day, or maybe I was influenced by the super "on" attitude of Americans. Though i spent an hour getting lost, rolling down black diamond trails, and getting bitched at, the experience and the view from the top of the mountain was worth it. It was the first time that I saw one of those postcard paranomas, where you could literally see into the endless horizon, and all the other mountains are all below you, with the entire Earth basked in vermilion sunset.

4) Returning home

I'm aware that I might have sounded envious of the American life and might have expressed innuendos of desires to move there. However, a vacation will remain only a vacation. Since I decided to return to Singapore after middle school graduation, a door has closed for me. Now, the best that I can do is to continue down the oath of becoming a good doctor, and explore another route in life. Experiences might not be as fun, but fun does not singlehandly define how good a life we can have. Who knows? I might end up here again some time in the future for good!

Well, it's time to return to the life I have chosen.

Feeling a little nostalgic now, about my childhood and many things that might have been. Can someone tell me if this feeling is normal, and will it get more and more persistent as we grow older?

2011-12-24T15:52:00.001+08:00

Macs in Japan is great.
Tried the icon lemon and salt burger. First time a meal from macs is light enough to give subtlety to its flavor and leave a good aftertaste :)

Otherwise spending Xmas eve on a plane sucks...

Someone who is not good with goodbyes

2011-12-24T01:40:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I really dislike this side of myself, the one who gets vehemently sentimental when it's time to leave behind pleasant memories and friends that I won't see in the near future. Them being childhood friends reintroduced for a second time doesn't help either. But I'm thankful, especially to Lisa, my acting tour guide/ babysitter for 5 days.

Funny that I have already said my goodbyes, and am already boarding the plane soon, and am still feeling this way. Maybe Facebook is the culprit here, making these goodbyes seemingly never-ending.

Though it sucks to feel like this, I can't stay longer this time. So the next best option will be to treasure the memories I made during these 12 days.

see you soon, Corvallis!

A visit to my childhood

2011-12-10T16:42:00.001+08:00

It's been a good six years since i came back to Singapore from the US.
It was definitely the most memorable part of my childhood. Finally after so long, I'm gonna go back again.

This time, I'll be visiting dad who is on a business trip there, but it will be at the place where we lived for 3 years back then - Corvallis, Oregon.

Though it would be winter and there would be no summer breeze nor the fragrance of plum trees, I'm still very excited to go back and see how it has changed, and possibly meet up with some old friends.

Really look for ward to doing the things I once did as a kid - playing tennis at walnut park, skiing at my hood, and visiting Seattle again, where we had our 8th grade graduation trip.

13 more hours to my flight, better go pack!

Anxious

2011-12-03T22:20:00.001+08:00

Tmr is gonna be my first ever half marathon!
It's nothing much to sone people but 21k is gonna be the furthest I ever attempted to run. Before that was like what, 8k?

Hopefully it will be fun. And no idea why I signed up for this though it's 2 days before my CAs

那些年，我们一起追的女孩

2011-11-27T17:13:00.001+08:00

往往，最喜欢她的那个男生不会与她在一起。

因为他们怕未来发生的事也许会毁了当当初共同的好感。因此，到最后，赢家会是那位显得陌生、出乎意料的男人。

可是我们再想想，如果我们真的去用心追她，受了伤，也就不会有现在我心里的这些想法了。。。

2011-11-23T22:21:00.001+08:00

[random angst]

The sound of people complaining about things they screwed up themselves and finding excuses for everything they do, is very annoying...

2011-11-05T23:35:00.001+08:00

Wind is an intriguing thing. It carries emotions, landscape, and wisdom from places far away.

Its no wonder some people are drawn to wind right before rain, or the gale that blows onto the starboard. When I can't remember the last time I was able to stop and enjoy these things, it's a sign I've been too busy.. On another note, I'm looking forward to the alpine air currents this winter.

2011-10-29T11:42:00.001+08:00

When we offend or upset someone, try to make it up by making them feel better, and not just be someone who is good with saying sorry

Graduation and renewal

2011-10-14T23:05:00.001+08:00

Congratulations to the Class of 2011!
Today is the day that you officially graduate from RV.
You might be happy that you finally finished 6 years there, or might have been like me, melancholic knowing that you will definitely miss the times you spent there.

6 years is a long time... Whether we like it or not, RV has become a part of our lives, close to our hearts and impossible to cut off ever.
It really seems like yesterday when I graduated from my friends in the class of 2010.
Now a year has passed, and I can't help but feel that RV is slowly changing from what I have know it to be.
Teachers, principals, and students will all renew and refresh.

This makes me scared that I will forget the times 4E did pull ups together, how I prepared for science competitions with my friends, how we filmed the CNY MV, and Seminar Room 2 where Science Soc had it's weekly sessions.
There were so many memories at the Alexandra campus, though, that are still with me.
I still remember the scent of the run down tennis court, where we had our first few trainings with mr keith teo.
Back then, it was just Guo Feng, Wei Kai and I.

.........

I can go on and on reminiscing about the sunshine in the past, but in short, things change, but memories will stay with us. This is probably why we get more sentimental and naggy as we get older. We want our juniors to treasure what they are having at this instant, so that they can look back and smile :)

I have to thank god for making me like this though, being able to look back and feel nostalgia. It's a sign that I have really been blessed.
The sour feeling welling up in me is making it a bit unbearable.
Shall stop here for now and get back to studying for my first CA!

Public Health Screening

2011-10-02T21:40:00.001+08:00

Today was PHS 2011 at Toa Payoh hub.
I was slated to be an usher, much to my initial dissatisfaction..
But, it turned out to be entirely different from what I imagined.

Just being able to help the elderly who were coming down, directing them, answering their questions, and smiling at them made it worthwhile.
And there were so many people who didn't know how to speak english! I'm glad that I was raised in a chinese speaking environment...
It was also a good chance to get to know what were the concerns of another demographic.
Instead of time, they valued money much much more...

This event has actually inspired me to want to join in the organising committee next year.

Oh yes, i'm feeling quite good, cause I've been called "sir" instead of "ah boy" quite a few times this weekend :D
at PHS, and when i went to pump petrol. seems like a car does make some difference

2011-09-26T22:42:00.003+08:00

about what had been going on through her mind,
there were many things I didn't know and I didn't understand...
Now then, do I realise it was not as perfect as it once seemed.

"I can't ask that of you"

we meet thousands of people, but they don't really touch you
then there will be a few of those people, whom you know you were changed because of them

1st day driving

2011-09-25T00:32:00.002+08:00

driving is awesome :Dmust have clocked at least 5 hours behind the wheel today..but i like the feeling xD(for now. lol)

Simple Plans

2011-09-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

Memories from younger days, evoked by new songs.Thanks Xinyi for the belated present!

2011-09-21T22:12:00.001+08:00

When someone you loved doesn't have the kind of past you thought or hoped they had, is there anyone to blame?

Recent life & NEXUS camp

2011-09-20T22:59:00.001+08:00

Life since parents went to the states has been not too much different from normal, minus the slightly increased loneliness at home and the need to become more independent in cleaning, organising things and schedules, and cooking.
I think I'm not doing too bad, being able to keep with med school and getting at least 6hrs sleep every night.
The most exciting thing that happened was the plumbing spoiling.
It was in the middle of the night when I heard a splashing sound. Originally i thought it was just the people upstairs flushing or using water, so I continued sleeping. When I woke up the following day, I rushed off to school cause I was running late. So when I got back, I found the bathroom more or less flooded :/
Cousin and I had to tie up the pipes, tape up the connections, and put pails to collect water. Fun stuff, i guess just a prelude to what's to come as I grow up more. It's not exactly like hall life, but the becoming independent part should be quite similar...

On that note, I might try for hall or uTown next semester. Living in school really seems much more convenient and fun! (Especially after hearing stories from the cool people who went for the NEXUS camp.)
The people I will meet from other faculties is also a big plus point.

Btw, I just got back from 4 days at NEXUS camp in Gopeng Malaysia :D
Represented Judo for the camp (tgt with Jiamin), when it was intended for CCA leaders only.
Had to grab this opportunity when the leaders all cmi. 4 days of caving, white water rafting, and games all free of charge! Though I only used RM30 out of 300 on shopping, it was really a good experience.
Probably the first time I felt like I was in uni thus far...
Somehow, all the people there had a different feel from med sch people (not sure if good or bad)

They were all very very VERYYY easygoing, even if they are not that extroverted. Must thank Brandon, Linus, Roy, Nat, Manli, Jingru, Luke, Richard, Zhengyang, Frankie, Jing Yi for making the trip memorable.
It's a little sad that after this, we probably wont be meeting intentionally already, but I'm happy for this experience :)
It's something that will definitely be missed.

From these few days interacting with the leaders of the NUS clubs, I feel like I definitely wont mind trying for a leadership position in my own CCA in the future...
Even as a med student, there is life :D

2011-09-10T23:53:00.001+08:00

It's really amazing how fast time passed...
I set my iTunes on shuffle, and seasons in the sun came on..
Got hit by the strongest wave of nostalgia in quite some time.
Looking back at the times I spent with my friends in 2D, those were some of the best times of my life. Amazingly, everyone loved he class and wanted to be a part of it!

It is quite amazing how we are still having outings regularly... But nevertheless, even when i went back to look at old photos- west Malaysia trip, and the old 2D blog, it occurred to me that the joy of those times were already sealed away in our memories.

I'm very thankful to have spent 1.5 years with you guys.. Is it just me being strange, feeling a sense of loss when I look back? A bittersweet feeling fills my heart :)

2011-09-04T23:49:00.002+08:00

I have a liking for movies that have melancholic plots.

How does a movie touch us if it isn't sad right?

I recommend everyone to watch SuckSeed if you haven't!

2011-08-28T00:31:00.002+08:00

This birthday present really caught me off guard.

Will still put it somewhere and keep it cause there has been a lot of effort and consideration that went into deciding a present for someone who doesnt need many material things.

2011-08-24T01:00:00.002+08:00

we wake up from the dream.

or are we just beginning to dream as we start to fall asleep?

which is real? what is the right choice?

I don't know

but God does, and his plan will be revealed in time to come.

it might surprise us for all we know

2011-08-22T23:20:00.002+08:00

My birthday is coming up tomorrow.

What do i have to say...

I am unprepared to turn 20. It's too soon! haha

But I do feel ready to take on the world with less hand holding and immature self centered-ness.

I guess things can really change fast.

I used to pride myself upon liking punk rock/rock. But now, I can't bring myself to listen to anything over and over aside from jazz/bossa/folk. Let's hope this RnB craze ends real soon.

I can't believe I know how to cook already.

Even this current closeness and concern of family wasn't something I imagined I will have.

Looking back on all the good things in life, they were mostly acquired through self confidence, pushing troubles aside, and talking to many people.

What do all these have in common? They all stem from faith in Christ.

I've grown to realise the importance of values and beliefs through the help of CPT Chin in OCS.

The 3 months spent there were really life changing.

My own birthday was never a thing I remembered or looked forward to.

It's just like "oh. okay that day is here". There cant really be a definite line drawn between ages, cause we are constantly growing.

On another note, I really love my OG. We are so damn bonded. Just came back from soccer, bball, and tennis with them. (went judo afterwards! probably gonna join it. It's uber fun)

Got a call from jon and jx wishing me happy birthday too :)

Old friends like these can really make my day. Colour Riot, Classmates, just thinking makes me nostalgic :)

With all the new friendships that are being formed and relationships that are growing, I'm looking forward to growing up! haha!!

2011-08-20T23:36:00.002+08:00

I've been hurt, you've been hurt.

So have many other people too..

Why am I so arrogant and let things screw themselves up?

This must be another symptom of the post-11pm-loneliness-syndrome..

2011-08-15T22:52:00.002+08:00

School is coming onto me with the pressure and excitement already.
There are so many things that I can do here!
Signed up for a truckload of things: conferences, OCIP, a play, Dinner and dance performance, language classes, and karate.
I dont know how i can cope, but that's the point right? To wait till the time comes and see how I will manage :P

Medical school is turning out to be much more happening than I imagined xD
The fact that there are so many things I have no time for thrills me.
And during today's tutorial, it was the first time that i felt the need to be cautious and mindful of my opinions.
We discussed about bioethics. I thought I had some decent foundation on that, but turns out there are many others who have interesting and profound viewpoints.

I really look forward to the intellectual challenges that await :)

Let my heart speak louder than my head

2011-08-11T18:04:00.002+08:00

Here's some food for thought for my readers out there.

On the subject of gender equality and innate differences between men and women,
This one is more than just saying women are more emotional, men are more competitive and such; it analyses why we are different.
Touches on culture, society, politics.

http://www.denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm

2011-08-10T22:26:00.002+08:00

It's time to leave the poignant memories of the recent behind, as I begin a new chapter in life tomorrow.

Gu Tianyu Gary, will devote himself to the study of the art of medicine responsibly, in order to benefit my future patients.

This i no longer just studying for grades, but for the lives of others.

2011-08-07T01:21:00.002+08:00

This must be one of the times that I've been most touched recently.

Today's birthday celebration by family was totally unexpected, as there's still 2 more weeks to go!

But since mum is going overseas on friday, we had to do it early.

They did a damn good job of keeping it quiet from me, waiting for me to get back from the Festival of Praise.

I only got back at 12am, and I found a new wallet, and an IPAD!! waiting for me.

Cousin was recently asking for my advice on ipad plans etc, and i thought she was gonna get one for herself....... wow.

I guess I really appreciated today because I made effort to give, to plan for mum's birthday also ba..

haha life is good :)

We should be happy not cause of the events that happen to us, but by the virtue of who we are.

Even without these, I would have been happy, that I can start anew and that I grew from a trying period.

2011-08-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

I'm beginning to see the answers.

She pushed me away because she liked me

2011-08-04T20:22:00.002+08:00

next time i fall in love, i want to fall in love with a girl who can handle problems well. nip them in the bud and confront them, instead of pushing them aside to only look at the good things, or say "i cant" when she means "its not that important.

when we start putting logic into love, it probably means we are no longer kids

2011-08-02T10:53:00.002+08:00

when i woke up today, the first thought that came to me was:

why did she leave me?

then it occured to me,

even without her, the sunlight is warm and the sky is still a lovely shade of blue

2011-08-02T07:49:00.000+08:00

"here's a song, for the one who stole my heart

and ran so far, that cupid couldn't catch up"

-we the kings

2011-07-31T19:01:00.002+08:00

failures are meant to be embraced, not to be buried and escaped from

to have loved and lost is better to have never loved at all :)

2011-07-31T17:55:00.002+08:00

i think im really not reeacting well to what happened yesterday.

i dont think it's normal to feel nauseous for the whole day.

my mind is trying to shut off the memories already.

but i dont want this to happen at all, i dont want to forget.

this sucks.. im feeling damn unstable

should i be thinking about this at all? or should i fill my schedule with distractions?

2011-07-31T03:13:00.003+08:00

continuation of the dream.

I said perhaps Patagonia, and pictured
a peninsula, wide enough
for a couple of ladderback chairs
to wobble on at high tide. I thought

of us in breathless cold, facing
a horizon round as a coin, looped
in a cat’s cradle strung by gulls
from sea to sun. I planned to wait

till the waves had bored themselves
to sleep, till the last clinging barnacles,
growing worried in the hush,
had paddled off in tiny coracles, till

those restless birds, your actor’s hands,
had dropped slack into your lap,
until you’d turned, at last, to me.
When I spoke of Patagonia, I meant

skies all empty aching blue. I meant
years. I meant all of them with you.

Things don't turn out the way we plan them. I will learnt to change expectations and plans when it happens.

This poem - I wanted to share it with you when the time was right.

Now that the time might not come, the hope that you'll chance upon this blog will be good enough for me

2011-07-30T01:07:00.001+08:00

I can either run away now, or forgive me and you and try again.

The latter sounds better

2011-07-29T11:19:00.004+08:00

written in anger...:

i hate this feeling of disrespect...

do i really need to personally ask to find out when situations change, then find out late, and be short changed like its no problem at all?

really makes me not want to be nice and go out of my way to do things for you

now come and tell me what you think. i hate guessing

2011-07-29T11:18:00.000+08:00

fucking hell.

today is screwed up.

i am screwed up

2011-07-24T00:11:00.004+08:00

as i embark on the first few days of the rest of my life..

who knew this day will finally come ?

i am happy, and grateful for it

2011-07-22T00:47:00.003+08:00

in life, there are hard choices to make.

making the impossibly difficult choice, choosing the option that we fervently hate, is bound to be excruciating.

but it is probably the option that will benefit others in ways we have yet to understand right now

if you love her, let her go (again)

i've learnt about another aspect of life.

i now understand better how different experiences mold our opinions, and what we believe is right might be right given our upbringing. but to someone who is imbuned with a different (not necessarily wrong) value system, it wont make sense.

i want to thank my friend, zoe, for coming to the delta social night with me, though there were countless insecurities you had.

it was a night to catch up with old friends, and also to savour the beauty and meaning of the training we went through as officer cadets.

the delta motto:

pride through hardship, growth through experience!

2011-07-20T00:45:00.002+08:00

My life is like the weather.

The storm has subsided.

All that's left is for the rainbow to come

2011-07-19T11:55:00.002+08:00

Thinking logically, its plain to see what these signs mean.

still i feel like waiting a bit more with faith.

pain pain pain

when i post this often, something is probably not right

2011-07-19T08:04:00.002+08:00

when things are this unbalanced, all seems futile..

this seems like the story that guofeng told me about himself.

it's not easy when she only responds to things, not making any requests nor taking action

i can do the initiating, the talking, the chasing.

but i am so tired

cousin and mum asked about the photoshopped picture. i had no answer to give. this is really sad.

and girls reading this, please tell me, would you be happy if a guy asked you for ocs social night? my impression is that it's a big event thats honorable to attend. especially if you are proud of the guy

still, i cant help but continue this. am i blind? stupid? or still hopeful?

2011-07-17T23:42:00.001+08:00

I have to keep the faith. If I lose my optimism, much more will be lost.
It's not easy to keep everything in check, to try to be aware of my emotions, and take note of how they'll affect my decisions. Then in turn I need to moderate my words and reactions in order to not cause hurt..
I need to be able to contain my sadness and disappointment too (or should I?). Sometimes I feel like I can't take it - why does this, why should it be so complicated (actually I do know and understand, but I want to vent a little) and full of shit. Maybe it's because it's the first time ever I'm so serious, and it's something I really love. Perhaps that's where I get the feeling that I can still wait, wait, wait, and change.

I am so young.. There are so many so many things I have yet to learn.
I've been trying, trying, but still I make all these mistakes. Finally I'm getting the feeling that there isn't much more I can do, when I'll be willing to do anything.

Humans are so fickle. I should be able to see past the difficulties, and see the good things and blessings that I've received. I want to be free of emotions, then I can think clearly

:)
Hope that when I wake up tmr, I'll be able to smile like that. Sleeping clears jumbled up feelings

2011-07-03T23:59:00.002+08:00

Leaving for Medicamp in a few hours time.

man there's no time for myself ever since i disrupted.

So many things i wanna do - guitar, tennis, drums, read, driving lessons, hang out with mum and cuz, ms tee, buy new clothes..

And seems like medicine is gonna be bombarding me with tons of commitments too.

CIP trips, conferences, rag and the like.

But i think my main focus for this month (after medicamp is over), is t0 squeeze in as many driving lessons as possible, as well as to do a sight reading crash course to improve my chances of getting into NUS jazz band.

When i get back on thursday, I'm probably gonna post about OCS too.. (just had a dinner with the section 2 peeps.. Miss them quite a bit already..)

As for Ms Tee, seems like your life is getting crazy once again..

Please do take care and dont push it. There's always a choice to give up or not be too involved in certain obligations.

But on the other hand, only when we're young then can we try out so many different things and still get by :)

2011-07-01T23:47:00.002+08:00

first day as a civilian.. and im not adapting too well.

will need to get used to the lack of discipline in the outside world

cant believe im actually saying this, but i got too used to meeting hard timings and seeing people get punished for not doing so. hehe

Medicine pre camp tea is tmr! i think life in the next few years will be fun.

here are the 3 CCAs i'd like to try out for, in order:

1. NUS Jazz Band (will need to become good at sight reading in 1 month if i wanna pass the auditions)

2. Tennis

3. Karate

oh yeah xD

2011-06-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.

A quote from a friend (who I used to unjustly dislike) that made me reflect on what life is about.
I think I'm beginning to understand that more slowly.

2011-06-12T21:40:00.002+08:00

Looking at all the strife you've been through, it's no wonder that you have a penchant for melancholic songs..

I think I understand you better compared to before, but I also feel that there is much much more that I have yet to grasp the gravity of. Understanding all these has effectively made me feel extremely ignorant, like a small boy yet to see the world. This isn't the first time you have done this..

Among friends of the same age, you must be the strongest by far.

2011-05-29T16:01:00.003+08:00

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

In 2 hours time, I will have to wait 6 more months before dad will come home again.

I didnt really feel sad over my dad's business trip till yesterday.

I think that's when reality hit me - the reality of how much dad really meant to me.

Always the strong silent figure that supported me in everything I did, looking down when i made mistakes, but never reprimanding me.

I'm going to miss his unspoken concern and his gentleness.

But it's a good time to grow up... One day, parents are going to have to play a reduced role in our lives as we grow up, start to live on our own, and eventually settle down to become parents ourselves.

This episode made me see how much i really loved my dad.

It's slightly painful, but nevertheless good.

As i go back to tekong in 16 hours time, I will take his advice and enjoy myself.

All we have is the present, so I should make the best out of it and learn from this once in a lifetime experience.

Civilisation, see you in 10 days!

to the applegirl: drink more water!

2011-05-28T13:20:00.001+08:00

quotes of the day:

mum: enjoy today for the sake of your future, because the future is amalgamated from infinite todays

dad: dont look forward to the good days ahead, rather, enjoy the present, because these are the good days you once longed for

2011-05-28T00:24:00.002+08:00

10 cards and letters for 10 days of field camp :)

Plus with medicine waiting for me, it will be over in a flash.

Maybe that's why I'm sort of looking forward to it?

And I've been appointed section commander for this exercise "Exercise Centipede".

I think it's the call i needed to wake me up from my man-mode and start doing more as a leader.

I didn't know i was so unmotivated till now.... I'm a bit ashamed, but I'll make it up!

Responsibility is a big thing that helps people grow up, learn and mature...

On another note, Dad's going to US in a weeks time, returning probably in 6 to 9 months.

Mum will be flying off soon too to stay with dad.

It's gonna be a new phase in life, living independently, whether at home or in a hall. (maybe I'll try for King Edward VII hall)

The feeling of living temporarily without a fatherly presence I've been so used to for 19 years hasn't hit me yet. But I believe it will sooner or later.

Tomorrow is the farewell dinner for dad.

To make it special, the whole family will be cooking together :)

Cousin's bf is coming over to do duno what. (lol) And zoe is coming too!

I'm really gonna heed her advice and spend more time with dad. Definitely wont regret it, since he is so fluffy.

Okay I'm not making sense already. Too used to the OCS sleeping time from 2230 to 0500..

There are many things that cant be put up here comfortably too..

2011-05-22T18:56:00.001+08:00

Freedom. Honesty. Selflessness.

This is how it's done right

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back to you, it is yours forever.

2011-05-21T17:10:00.001+08:00

oh yes, I might be thinking of giving tuition (Maths, Physics, maybe Bio) after June..

Any idea how i should go about doing this?

2011-05-21T16:55:00.003+08:00

Starting as a med student starting August is an exciting prospect, with all the camps already planned out.

I'm also quite excited because the coursemates I'm gonna have consist of a lot of people i know, from different events and experiences. It's exciting I'm gonna be seeing friends like arif, hester, shuyi, and the delta dudes on a regular basis :)

Initially, I was slightly (really really only slightly) saddened over having to resort to my "backup plan" <--- yes i know, med isnt really much of a backup plan. but for my close friends, you all knew how much i dreamed of going to the US on scholarship.

But I guess everything depends on my priorities and what kind of life I wanna have.

Heard from vincent, an imba science challenge guy in delta (MIT), that nigel fong, the imba rj science challenge guy, rejected harvard for NUS med.

This totally made me go O.O

But it made me realise that my happiness is controlled largely by myself.. and how i think, whether i wanna change how i think in order to be happy.

Looks like med is gonna be full of the imba kias from all over sg.

Ppl like nigel, shuyi, joseph etc. Hopefully I'll get motivated and do damn well :)

Been thinking about specialties recently too..

Optometry, orthopedics, ENT, urology are all specialties I'll consider.

Plastic surgery seems interesting after watching just go with it :P

It's too early though, to do anything other than play with the ideas in my head.

Really excited for the experience in YLLSoM that's coming up

Anyway, I cant believe I was so ignorant to have never asked for my own mum's specialization....

Who knew that she specialized in neuroscience???!!!

Brain doctor for the win..

I knew she was pro all along, but maybe not much as to get a specialization offered to only the top..

Hope I have inherited some of her medical genes :)

My phone bill for this month will probably hit several hundred too, owing to the daily night calls and serving as a willing personalized alarm.

I have finally discovered the use for my officer cadet pay :P

2011-05-15T15:38:00.004+08:00

Afterthoughts on University Application

I've applied for more than 10 universities. Gotten into some in UK, and my first love, medicine, in NUS. I've also applied and received 2 scholarships too. These took a lot of my time and effort, so I've decided that this arduous process merits some looking back.

I remember about 30 days ago, I received the rejection letters from stanford, caltach and the lot. Of course I was depressed, but these failures made me reflect on what I really wanted.

Am I still the same boy who wanted to be a doctor since I was in primary school? I think I'm still that person.

The reason I applied for engineering to the ivy league was probably because I wanted honor and prestige of studying in big name schools, and after getting a SAT score of 2320, I did stand a reasonable chance. However, like many other things in life, just because I can do it doesn't mean I should.... Though teachers and my alma mater would have loved to have an alumni going to a top university on scholarship, it might not have been the best for me.

In this kind of situations, as a friend has said, I will be selfish and do what it takes to make me happy. By staying in Singapore to study to become a good doctor, I'll lose out on the excitement of an overseas uni life. However, I get to spend time with my precious family, network with the local medical scene, and maintain friendships...

Finally, a big thank you to mum and dad, and zoe, who have helped me think through my options, and be emotionally objective in dealing with rejections, and finally choosing the right option. (Ego moment: I think I'll have done well in whatever discipline I chose to study :P But from now on, I choose you! --> medicine)

This message has encouraged me through this trying episode

"There're too many people out there who believe in you.

No matter what, i will support you all the way.

All The Way."

My endeavors have finally found a resolution.

2011-05-12T19:19:00.000+08:00

This time I finally got it right :)

NUS medicine has offered me a place...
This might just be where god wants me to go.

Shall ponder over this for a while, but there's a 95% chance I'll take it.

Just thinking of the free time I'll get when I disrupt makes me giddy..

2011-05-12T11:08:00.000+08:00

Today I did my first actual IPPT..
Was really hoping for a gold, but seems like I still have some more to go.

Though I missed the 2.4k timing by 3 seconds, I'm still quite happy for improving from 10.19 to 9.47.
Realised that all I have to do is to really just push myself and ignore the dying feeling. I think knowing that I can hit 9.47, I'm mentally prepared to push for a gold next time in 2 weeks.

Gonna go do some self training during weekends too.
The $200 isn't much of an incentive, but remedial training on sundays is definitely a substantial disincentive...

Lets go for gold!

2011-05-11T10:15:00.002+08:00

realised that i tend to get extremely paranoid when people cannot be contacted. esp loved ones like parents.

this is probably thanks to my active imagination..

not many ppl are hardcore enough to check straits times for news on accidents and abductions -.-

(and of course, feel stupid afterwards)

2011-05-08T21:41:00.003+08:00

wow, the 2 days of booking out really passed in a flash..

4hrs of sleep, source code with zoe, church, and chilling with parents.

quite a decent weekend in my opinion.

(my mum is taking photo of me and my duck now)

army really made me appreciate my family.

there is so much to learn from people close to me, things i've never seen worth in.

one thing i will try to learn is cooking. fyi my parents are damn good cooks. last time we used to eat out around once a month.

i've also gotta learn how to have more faith and be thankful like them.

my dad, who has been so excited over my harvard application (more so than me), didnt take it hard when i fell short. mum says the rejections are good cause they let me consider what i really want.

Now that i think back, an overseas uni adventure wasnt exactly necessary.

By staying in sg, i gain a lot too.. Like parents, friends, tea, apples etc..

I'm a bit hesitant (still slightly affected by recent rejections) to hope right now, but I'll still have faith in the medicine results that come out next week :)

wherever i end up, it's still god's plan

2011-05-05T20:56:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be my last night in OCS before i can finally go home after 3 weeks!
Now that i look back on these 21 days, they seem to have passed in a flash. I can't even remember clearly the day that I enlisted into here...

I've pretty much gotten used to the life here as an officer cadet. In some ways, the regimentation is less strict than Viper in BMT, but there's additional stress resulting from the autonomy we get here.
Basically we get a list of tasks each day to complete, timings which we have to meet for lessons, and sleeping times. As long as the Cadet committee completes all these, we can use the remaining time however we want. However, there are so many other things we need to do in our own free time (like force prep -> packing backpacks in identical ways. trust me it's a hassle) that having commanders screaming at us to move might be more desirable.

I've got time to type this today cause I'm cadet duty sergeant.
Now dont get me wrong, this appointment is usually quite tough, with admin duties of running around doing errands on top of regular lessons. But today we got lucky since all lessons are held at wingline. And whenever we are at wing line, I'm supposed to be in the duty room, so I have no choice but to stay here and facebook :P

Okay so much about monotonous OCS life...
I think I'm gonna get fat here... With the amount of junk food we pack upstairs and 3 doughnuts every night, I'm worried the route marches and endurance runs are not enough.
Army really does wonders in training one's appetite.

2 more days till I see civilization again! Gonna spend each and every minute of my time meaningfully.

I predict that I'm going to drink lots of tea over the weekend

2011-05-01T21:35:00.002+08:00

okay, screw that last post xD
something just really made my day.
I never knew i was so important in this way, until 9 paragraphs were dedicated to me.

First when i read that letter, i really felt like breaking down and just putting an end to everything.
It brought me a feeling of deja vu I experienced on the most horrible day of my life - last year some time in april.
But somehow i think I've changed and grown, be it cause of OCS or otherwise.
I was instead able to calm myself down and look at things from another angle, from a bigger picture, for the long term.
I'm really glad things turned out ok. (perhaps even better than before?)

This is really a display of god's grace.
Like i have told you before, i shall continue to have faith.
(and hope i get into medicine!)

Anyway today's family visiting day was like a pit stop, to refuel me for the last 1 week of the 3 week OCS confinement.
With only a third left to go, it suddenly feels like time passed very quickly.
We received our junior bar today too, so we are officially cadets. (no more immunity to punishment :( it will get tough. but that means i'll get tougher too)

Ivan, Alvin, Chernyi, and Dingjie have all been posted out to either Sierra, Air Wing, or navy.
Though I'm happy for the welfare they will get and the things they'll experience, I cant help but feel down when so many good friends just stay for 2 weeks and then leave delta.
Really hope we can still keep in contact and remain as men from Delta.
Perhaps this was a reminder to treasure my friends right now, in case i disrupt in the middle of service term...

2011-05-01T16:40:00.001+08:00

im so gonna feel numb for the next few days..
praying for as much punishment and tekaning as possible.

urg

2011-04-29T20:45:00.002+08:00

Common leadership term for OCS is ending in 2 days.
That is when the real tough training will start, with the turn outs and weekends burnt (hope i dont do anything stupid enough to warrant any of that...

I'm tempted to post stuff about training here, but better not risk it, in case things turn out to be confidential and i get sniffed out..
But I think it's safe to post that I'm really looking forward to family visit day on sunday!
Though we still cant book out (yes public holidays also cannot book out), seeing my parents after all these while will be almost like a real book out.
Gonna treasure the time which they can stay in camp.

Oh yes, and thanks to you too :) for taking time off to come.
and thank you for precious mornings too, sacrificing much needed sleep.
Never thought things will be the way they are now.

from a post about 1 year ago in 2010:

"When the lights go out, we'll be safe and sound

We'll each take on the world with all we've got, and we'll be.....

A dream
"

Never knew sad stuff can make me happy now

2011-04-26T19:53:00.002+08:00

If I do disrupt NS, you guys will have no chance >:)

2011-04-24T22:10:00.003+08:00

Finally got a chance to post about life in OCS.

Well, Im in Delta wing, platoon 3 section 4, bed 9.
4D number: 3209.
I sort of miss the 1114 days. BMT was more fun compared to now.
Staying in a bunk with 13 other people was definitely more high and action packed.
But staying with just 1 dude has its benefits too.
We do things much faster, more efficiently, especially when he's a potential safos scholar.
I think I'm gonna be very efficient with this new buddy, Linus.
However, i still gotta work on the social aspect though. Dont really get along well with elite ppl. heh

Oh yes, did i mention that this is a scholar platoon?
All the SAFOS, PSC, and medicine ppl are gathered in Delta, hence the commanders really wanna tekan us a lot (go check out the history of delta on forums. I didnt know till i came in, and all the seniors wished me luck :X)
Somehow the BMT crowd felt more welcome...

RV ppl in Delta: Chern Yi (yayz), Minzhang, Yu Hong (actually signed on..)

i shall sign off here now.
gotta say im quite tempted by the SAF med scholarship. Liutenant Colonel Gu.. Sounds damn good. But im not gonna let the army make me biased. Shall not put my signature on anything yet...

In 2 weeks time, OCS confinement will finally be over and i can go home!

2011-04-16T20:09:00.007+08:00

Hello world! it's been a long long time since I updated.

A lot have happened since then..

Well, firstly, I've passed out from BMT

I haven't posted much about my coy thus far, but I'm very confident (not overconfident) that Viper is one of the best companies in BMTC.
Viper is definitely not the coy that deals out the harshest physical punishment, but like OC has said, physical punishment doesn't do shit in letting us learn.
I'm damn proud to have passed out from Viper. I believe that Viper is a company that really cares about soldiering skills, camaraderie, and mental strength.

Which other company has a mission based field camp?
We didn't just dig shell scrapes for the experience, but to take cover from artillery bombardment from the red land forces that have pushed past bravo company, which we were supposed to support. This realness was probably what allowed the whole company to finish digging in 3 hours. heh
We did fire movement and tactical marches to eliminate enemy patrols sent by the red land forces. If not for these scenarios, field camp would have been just (almost) meaningless suffering.
The 20min mealtimes we got toward the end of the training also showed how much the commanders wanted us to bond and treasure the brothers we found in BMT. No one was to eat before everyone in the platoon sat down with food, and we're probably the only company where muslims and non-muslims ate together.

Our OC, Captain Faizal

Our sergeants and commanders were also the cream of the crop.
Comparing them to those I see screaming at other companies, Viper sergeants really take the effort to be professional, but at the same time, are able to touch our hearts and let their maturity and concern get through to us.
Of course, there's sergeant major, who is simply badass.

The days in Tekong seem to have passed by in a flash. Moments which seemed so difficult now seem like nothing upon looking back. My section mates are probably to thank for this :)
Though we didnt get along all the time, I look back to each person's quirks and habits now, and remember them for those.
The thing I was most irritated about was how half of the section always asking the same questions.
"what is the fall in attire?"
"what do we have to bring ah?"
"Full battle order need rifle or not?"
For goodness sake, Full Battle Order has the word FULL in it, please connect the dots......
But then again, not everyone is as sharp as we would have liked. Maybe if this was not the case, I won't have been the only one in my section who made it to OCS :/
The other things that I remember fondly include stuffing down our meals in 5 minutes, getting woken up at 4am by Kay Yew's alarm. (he then proceeds to glide around in his jacket, then goes back to sleep after 10min.)

From left: Janan, Percy, Nicholas

Then, there are the 3 guys I've become good buddies with.
It's also a coincidence that we're the last 4 beds of section 1.
V1111, V1112, V1113, and me, V1114. Okay maybe it's cause we're close in terms of bed order that we've gotten then chance to become close.

V1111: Nicholas, big show, the tallest guy in platoon 1. The guy I can talk about almost anything with. He loves to party, dance and sing - the guy that will most likely bring me to a club for the first time. Nothing can make him give up. He's the guy who goes around helping others when we are all shagged already.

V1112: Fikri, the first chinese-malay guy I have met, and very intellectual. I really admire his effort in his studies. Not that I'm being elitist, but not many Millennia Institute guys can get better grades than most RVians. Really sincere in his efforts to help people too.

V1113: Janan (Below). Ahh, my buddy.. I had no idea that I already knew him before I enlisted. Only when he introduced himself then I realised that I met him when I went to the evangelistic event that Lynette invited Wilson, Hester, and I. I'm glad to have a buddy who's staunch in his Christian faith. Not only did we discuss about faith, his humility and virtues encouraged me and influenced me positively. We talked about everything from future plans to past loves. (which made my heart feel sour, but also slightly sweet at the same time. not sure how to describe it :P)
When I go to OCS on monday, I really hope I can have a new buddy who's as good as him.

People say that army is where boys become men. I think the process is a gradual one, because I don't really feel too different, but mum thinks otherwise. She tells me I've started to appreciate family more, and the things dad and her do for me. E.g. Washing clothes, cleaning, cooking. Perhaps it's cause I wash all my own clothes in camp. And being the obsessive compulsive guy I am, I can spend 1 hour washing everything, when we have 30min of admin time per day... (It's a wonder I've never been caught staying up past lights out).

During every bookout, I spend most of time with my family, and it feels good :)
I can feel myself becoming more responsible, and caring more about others, as well as thinking more about my future. Zoe says I've changed too, shall ask her in what ways next time..

I'm gonna master driving this year. This can probably be done for sure if I get into NUS med. All the interviews and essay are over. Now all that's left is to wait for results. This is my first choice tertiary plan for now.
The other thing I wanna master is cooking! Been learning a lot from mum and dad. It would be important especially when they leave for the US in June. Then it'll be 6 months home alone. Exciting stuff :P

So to end off, here's a picture of the first meal i prepared all by myself!
酸菜鱼，番茄炒鸡蛋，and 回锅肉 xD

2011-04-05T05:29:00.002+08:00

i did not get into any of the american unis i applied for.

yup its a bit sad, but probably indicative that my application was lacking something. it might be that my main essay was too humble and did not rreflect enough intellectual capacity, or because my lack of international olympiads..

(8 a seems like nothing right now)

but whatever the case, i wont brood over it, because wherever i end up will be where god wants me to play my part.

i have friends getting into stanford and harvard, and i admit they are academically superior to me. i did feel jealous, but i shall send my regards to them :)

so right now, i might head to imperial, or edinburgh, or nus med.

wanting to do med again seems like patching up with a divorced wife. but oh well, lets see how it goes.

essay on the 10th and interview on the 14th

but first, theres pop on sat!

its goodbye to tekong once and for all :)

2011-03-23T07:52:00.002+08:00

i'm finally feeling well enough to be walking around.

seems like i wont be using the last day of my mc, meaning I'll probably go back into tekong tonight.

I'm quite annoyed over my sickness this time, but it's not without benefits.

I'll probably need to re-do my 16km route march, but route march has never been a difficult thing for me. And there's re-IPPT too.

Falling sick let me stay at home for 5 days (totally imba) and possibly left a negative impression on my commanders (might be good, since i dont really wanna get forced to go ocs)

Just hope that i can cope physically when i return next monday, cause this whole week I'll be on attn b, day 1 etc, after my attn c ends today.

I've finished applying for nus and all the private sector scholarships.

Now the main excitement is waiting for the US uni results to be out (latest by mid-april)

I've gotten rejected by caltech already =(

maybe they're too selective due to an intake of around 300 students in total per year. oh well

i'm confident for nus medicine at the very least, for it's been something i've prepared myself for all the way from sec 1.

2011-03-20T22:36:00.002+08:00

not doing very well now..

so here's the short story:

fever before IPPT.

officer asks me to continue and try.

High fever after IPPT.

Sees Medical Officer in tekong.

Gets prescribed 6 medicines, including 2 that are very toxic.

Takes 1, turns out i'm allergic to that class of medicine. (the mo did not check my history)

Digestive system gets owned and eye swells.

Renal functions decline.

Goes to SGH, where doctor says I'm normal after blood and urine test. (when urine protein and blood levels are evidently above the top!)

Goes home, conditions worsens to diarrhea every 30min.

Piles worsen (to abt stage 3 i think?)

Goes SGH the following day and gets medication to stop diarrhea.

Medicine works a little, just a little..

Butt pain :((((

Going to hospital again tmr, theres a chance I'll get hospitalized

Good things:

1. I learnt how to spell diarrhea

2. Friends who have wished me well :)

3. New motivation for medicine after several bouts with ^%$&#$%$#! doctors

2011-03-17T22:20:00.002+08:00

So this thing can actually be accessed my my phone in camp..

i just realised too that i havent posted about bmt at all :o

im lying in bunk now ( top bunk fyi) typing this after lights out.

so i guess i'll do a more proper post when i book out on sat :)

sit test and field camp are both out of the way, so theres more time to do this kind of things. but viper is still damn hiong. im glad for that though, cause it sort of fits my life (lol)

i shall sleep now, for the sake of ippt tmr.

lets go for goldd!! just gotta pray i can do a 945 2.4 run

the bed and blanket are comfy.....

2011-03-06T17:31:00.002+08:00

I've decided to apply for 2 more scholarships. These will probably be industry ones, like keppel and changi airport.

I'm waiting till end of april to decide what kind of company i'll bond myself to, and what kind of work i wanna do.

Be they admin, management, research, or engineering.

Once the US results decide if they want me, things will become clear :)

2011-03-05T12:50:00.003+08:00

got accepted into Edinburgh medicine. That makes it 2 successful applications including imperial.

(i rejected kings and newcastle cause of unreasonable overseas interviews :X)

and, i just passed my final theory test!

driving lisence, here i come! 4 more months and it'll be under my belt

saw my name in today's zaobao too xD

the blessings never stop flowing eh??

2011-03-04T21:55:00.004+08:00

Release of A' Level results 2010
One of the biggest days in my life

Many RV-ians have wondered why RV doesnt have the school spirit and pride that other schools with more "soft power" have.

But now, things won't be the same anymore.
RV now has something for her students to rally around: the 2010 A' Level results.

We, as the pioneer batch, were constantly told that our standards were low, that we had a long way to go, that we are not performing like "top school" students.
Subsequently, we began to doubt our abilities and wonder if we were really lousy.
I don't know if this was intentional, but this negative motivation really spurred the whole year 6 batch to mug like crazy.
We were told that compared to other JCs, our library was deserted.
So it's true that maybe we didn't work as hard as other students. So maybe we worked smarter? haha

Today, on 4th March 2011, we made history. (according to Channel News Asia)
We have 99.6% pass in General Paper, the HIGHEST in the country.
Yes I'm damn proud to have beaten RJ and HC, no shame here :D
And a top scorer, zhixiang is from RV..
I'm not sure if there are 2 or 5 top scorers so far, but no matter what, RV has made a stunning grand entrance into the A' Level arena.
If there are 2 top scorers, raffles must be sulking now.
Even for hc, having the same number of top scorers as a school with one third its cohort size can't be too flattering ;)

I know I sound quite cocky now, but I'm just really proud that my alma mater has done so well for her first time.
Of course, I've contributed to the success :D

Since I've got no PSLE, A' Levels are the only certified exam results I have.
I think I've outdone my own expectations.
During the exam period, I've been rushing home to read manga and play dota. And before the Chem paper, I watched a midnight movie x_x
Hence, getting a perfect score really really stunned me.

Well, here are the results :)
GP - A
PW - A
Higher Chinese - A
Econs H1 - A
Maths H2 - A
Physics H2 - A
Chem H2 - A
Bio H2 - A

I was surprised that H1 econs (A rate 48%) and H2 Bio (A rate 55%) did so well schoolwide! With only 2 teachers in bio dept and ZERO official teachers for H1 econs, how the HECK did so many ppl get A? Answer: RVians own!

And I really got onto the big screen..
Seems like mum's premonition was right

RV was on the news just now :)
爱我立化

2011-02-09T22:30:00.003+08:00

Lamppost fetish

It's been quite a while since I did a serious post, and even longer since I did one with photos.

So many things have happened, and are going to happen.
In the blink of an eye, I'm off to National Service.

I'm not afraid, or apprehensive, just anxious to meet the people I'm going to meet, and to experience everything this new environment.
Somehow I'm even excited to do the IPPT.

I'm really looking forward to "own" this new environment. lol
But I'll follow my dad's advice. Shall start off low profile till I get familiar with the environment.
In order to do well in NS, relationships are more important than physical endurance.

____________________

On another note, I got the A*Star National Science Scholarship too!
Life's great, and I'll be a bastard to complain about having to choose between A*Star and DSTA scholarship. Haha

I'm really intent on going to the US to do my undergrad studies.
The more I think about it, the more romantic US seems.
Most people's idea of romantic places probably include france, japan, etc.
But mine has gotta be the US. The whole place smells of freedom and pursuing dreams, not to mention the unparalleled scenery.
Growing up there adds nostalgia too...

Nevertheless, Singapore is a nice place. I'll probably still return after my studies, esp if I decide to take up a scholarship.

Many things are uncertain now.
We need to decide on uni courses, universities themselves, and choose what we will do in life.

To my friends who are facing the same questions, I have only 1 advice.
No matter what, do what you love :)

2011-02-01T21:41:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the last day of work.
I'm really gonna miss DSO man..
This internship for the successful scholarship applicants is a great tactic to get confirmations. It's like, if you ever wanna see your friends again, you better come back again.

I'm especially gonna miss the Mendel people.
Hao Qin, Geok Ting, and Barry.
I've realised that no matter where u go, you'll meet the same pro people.
Geok Ting turned out to be the other presenter at DSTA conference.

As for Barry, he is like a celebrity in the JC science and maths world.
International Maths Olympiad / International Chem Olympiad medalist. That guy that beat us at NSC and VJC Science Quiz, and the guy whose parents I talked to at NSW Maths Medal ceramony.

Is this what they call networking? :P

Haha I'll post some pics that are no classified up here when I get them from Agnes.

CNY is in a few days time.
I shall show aunty/uncle/cousin around SG and have some fun before i go NS.
They've come from China for a holiday cum reunion dinner.
Today's museum and river cruise have made me feel like I'm in SYC again :)
(pics will be up! my blog is totally boring with only text recently..)

2011-01-20T19:41:00.002+08:00

Though this is my first time working, I can say that internship at DSO is one of the best jobs there can be.
The pay is good, practically $8 per hour, with lunch breaks up to 2 hours long.
On top of that, I get to learn new things, like undergraduate level engineering tools, like Fourier transforms and Matlab. Who the heck pays A level graduates to learn stuff?
The icing on the cake comes in the form of regular fieldwork and seminars to attend. Changi naval base, secret lake facility, and NUS-MIT seminar, not bad at all eh??
I'm not trying to show off (actually i am), there's gonna be dragon boating tmr, and next friday will be DSO chinese new year celebrations. Hohoho....

My last interview (tentatively) just passed too.
I would consider it the most "feel-good" interview so far.
Seems like I will need to make a choice between DSTA and A*Star soon.
It's really not an easy choice, and for now, I'm leaning toward this one...

2011-01-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

turns out the dsta email got lost... heheheh

:D

The internship there has proven to be quite challenging so far.
Who knew that a single thing like a radar can have so much to confuse me with??

Before:
Radar bounces sound waves off things and gets detected, allowing measurement of distance.

After: (I'm not allowed to say classified info; these are just facts)
Radar emits EM radiation in long pulses through matched filters, to prevent aliasing and decrease intensity.
After the waves are received, intensity decreases by ~10000 times.
The received waves are then identified from noise by correlation. Carrier waves are modulated by the Tx chirp signals, then processed by fast fourier transform
Doppler shifts are used to calculate velocity of target.

Oh yes! My partner is Barry Tng, the guy who knocked me out of national science challenge semifinals 3 years ago, a fellow student who got the NSW maths medal, vjc science quiz champion team. and blablabla
He's more humble, friendly, and willing to share than i imagined. oops :P lousy me
Anyway i learnt quite a lot from him, the main thing being that a good maths foundation is absolutely vital to do well in any engineering field.

Going through these 2 days work makes me recall some idiot who said imaginary numbers have no use in real life. lol
It really felt like physics olympiad training, but more fun with the application :)

Shall start on Matlab and single aperture derivation tmr. Hope i survive :B

2011-01-07T00:40:00.002+08:00

"‎Hi, I'm late for the session cause i got into a car accident"
First time in a car accident :B

Went for the A*Star profiling session today.
I was quite nervous for this actually, cause i was thinking if red hair would be appropriate for the session..
In the end, i went to buy black hair spray just for today.
Never thought the day would come that I will intentionality spray my hair black :B

The session itself was damn long..
560 MCQ questions + few short essays.
I think it was to make sure u are not a sex-fiend/phobia-whore/paranoid dude

"Are u satisfied with your sex life?"
"Do you think about sex too much for your comfort?"
"Are you scared of snakes/lightning/open spaces/people/etc?"
"Do you think someone is trying to steal your ideas/trying to assassinate you?"
LOL

After that I finally got around to treat Jiamin and hester, ever since i agreed to 2 years ago <-- sounds like a very long time right now
Kushinbo is a superb restaurant. The buffet is really really worth it, though its like $52 for each person.
They've got this announcement system that goes off when something imba gets served, then only the first 30 customers who queue up get it. (Ice cream in frozen strawberries, lobsters etc)
It adds loads of excitement to the dining...

Work starts next week - internship at DSTA. Probably need to buy some new clothes for that, but won't need to dye hair ba.
It's gonna relief some stress on my wallet.
Oh yes, the bitchy adult fair too. I'm spending much more on transport now, like 3 times more.
Cause it costs more to take public transport, I've been more inclined to take taxis, burning even bigger holes in wallet.

(oh yes, i took taxi to Biopolis today, but was still late cause of the accident :()

2010-12-31T23:08:00.002+08:00

From my 31 December 2009 post:

"As the calender turns over to 2010,
1) I will take note to be more mindful of how my actions affect others.
2) I will diversify less and focus on what skills I'm already honing. A levels cannot be compromised. Time to keep my interests at bay..
3) I will take time to pray more, and depend less on my own abilities!
4) I will take care to show more respect to parents too."

1) Has been accounted for i think. I think I'm quite aware of how others feel, just that sometimes, I don't wanna make you feel good >:D
Mostly, it's cause if I did, both you and me would end up even worse due to the conflicts that would arise.
As for my class, I know that I've become alienated by a certain group, and I'm pretty sure what caused it. Sadly, there is really no motivation to make up again. I really can't subscribe to behavior I'm against, like complaining excessively and castigating others for irrational reasons... However, I'm still sad, over friends I've lost because of mob mentality. Now that high school ended on a bad note, it's going to be hard to patch things up.

2) This one has failed :P
Seems like I can't go against my Gu-ness. Guitar, tennis, and digressing still took up a big chunk of time. Perhaps my slightly-not-too-bad SAT I and II scores contributed to this. But I don't want to look back at my high school life and only remember months of grinding.

3) I don't feel much different about this one... Maybe it's cause there's not much effort put into it, so I shall continue this for 2011 too!

4) This one has been accomplished (slightly). I'm blessed with a really cool/caring/smart/sociable family, which I have slowly learnt to treasure.
As I move on to NS, and then (overseas hopefully) university, they won't be around as much. I need to change something for this...

2011 resolutions

1) Make an effort to keep in touch with good friends
2) Learn more new things!
3) Grow up and mature more, so that I can handle relationships better. It hurts to hurt people
4) Be thankful to my benefactors (Benefactors for the past year: Ms Yim, Mr Chow, mum & dad, Hester, Wilson, Zoe, David, Yong Hong, Guo Feng, Wei Kai, Jared, SYC)

Once again, I don't want this year to end, cause it's been eventful and awesome,
but.. next year will be even more so! I wonder what new people I will meet..
I'll probably spend more time in camp and in clubs :P

Whether it's 3 months or 20 months depends on whether I will decide to take medicine.
Anyway here's a new year wish.....
For the 5 universities I applied through the common app, I wish I will hear good news :)

SYC DH - You can try guessing the 5 schools from the acronym
If you have trouble, you can assume that Sunburst Youth Camp Denotes Happiness

2010-12-30T01:34:00.001+08:00

now i gotta dye my hair back to black...
cause...

I got into final round for A star interview xD
!!!!!

Byebye violet, hello black :)
But I am still damn happy~

2010-12-29T00:32:00.002+08:00

Need a break from the 2000 essays im writing, so here's a random observation:

big earrings can make a girl look 5 years more mature

2010-12-26T23:55:00.001+08:00

harvard application submitted :X
just hope teachers will finish recommendations on time..

now im really jittery after clicking submit.

a "dream" school
...

lets hope it comes true!

2010-12-13T20:39:00.002+08:00

When I'm having fever, I dream of giant factories with giant gears.
Not to mention large numbers and calculations that make no sense.

Then I will wake up with a start, covered in sweat.
Someone tell me what kind of nightmare is this....

2010-12-12T22:57:00.002+08:00

SYC is over..
This is the last time I will be participating full time.
After 1 year as a participant then another as an ACE, i guess i have enjoyed my fair share of it.

I still don't know what is it about SYC that makes it so touching and so enjoyable.
There aren't really many things that are exclusive to this camp, maybe just genuine interaction and goodwill toward friends who you will never otherwise have met.
Quoted from Khairi in 2009 "how are you ever gonna befriend a Bhutanese outside of SYC?"
The consciousness that we're probably never gonna see some of these friends ever again makes us treasure even more, the memories and experiences we've gathered.

Though I am an ACE this year, I'm glad i wasn't totally distant and away from the participants. Probably because of this, I've become more attached to the camp and was willing to sacrifice my health for the camp.
It's interesting that group 7's favourite fever cheer finally came true:
"I think i have a fever, we've got a fever and we cant be stopped"
lol 39.2 degrees should be enough ba.
hope i get well soon, especially before wednesday to be in time for the A star interview.

Anyway back to SYC, I'm gonna make it a point to keep in contact with these friends I've made. I think there will be chances for the SG participants at least. I've been thinking about relationships I should make an effort to preserve since graduation from high school.

SYC has also exposed me to things I will never otherwise try, such as dance, clubbing, ability to make fun of myself, a chance to really love someone, and amazing people from schools all over Singapore. Mr Koh (principal of RV) definitely made a wrong decision of not sending any participants from RV to SYC. It's a wasted chance to groom leaders and make them more human in experiences. I don't know the full reason behind him not supporting the camp, so I can't call him outright foolish.

I hope that I will be able to help the future batches of SYC participants and make the camp enjoyable for them, cause I've gained and changed so much from it.
This might be the last opportunity before university, that I get a chance to make genuine friends like this, as agendas grow and complications arise in friendships.

Sunburst Youth Camp will always have a part in defining who I am

2010-12-04T18:29:00.002+08:00

going off to syc, this time as an ACE (facilitator) in 2 hours.

can't believe it's been a whole year already..
but..

:D
lets go!

2010-12-01T11:54:00.000+08:00

YEAHHH

2010-12-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

Completed: submission completed, drums bought, cuff links bought, shoes bought.

To do: Mail documents, get tie, apply US universities and ask for deferment :B

2010-11-27T22:12:00.002+08:00

Colour riot won't be performing for prom.

Cause......

"We can't carry the drum and keyboard down to the hotel"

-RVSC

I guess every group will have its own issues and things they can't do.

I won't (directly) judge this statement. But i do envy schools like HCI that have live bands. I still remember that time when I saw ExDee performing for HC prom night 2008. It was then when i wanted to do that too. We're not as good, but it looked damn fun. haha

Now there's 1 less thing to look forward to for prom.

But at least I'll have more time to write my A*Star and university essays. haha

Oh and I can finally get my drum set! Will post pics when i get it next week :D

P.S. I'm back to Dota, sms me if u need players/game :P

2010-11-23T22:32:00.000+08:00

Prom clothes tailored, new tennis shoes bought, 10 pack guitar strings bought, guitar recording equipment bought!

Now i can start my holidays :D

2010-11-20T22:42:00.002+08:00

When a friend becomes diagnosed with leukemia, I'm really not sure how to feel...

This is one of the moments I can't help but think "damn, life can really be unfair at times".

Would a good doctor be able to help her more? Or would good research provide solutions?

Though we are young, and supposed to live in good health for many more years, who knows?

2010-11-19T01:12:00.001+08:00

I am thankful.

Throughout these 19 years, I've never hated myself once

2010-11-19T01:04:00.003+08:00

I'm losing motivation to study and score my As already.

The idea of having not so sparkly grades is becoming easier to accept.

I don't know whether this is good or bad...

Cause of this drop in enthusiasm for A levels, I've been thinking more about other things instead.

I don't think grades are prerequisites to being happy..

I think having no pride is very convenient, bring able to change your mind, your decisions anytime without having to care about what others might think.

I think it's quite impossible for 18 year olds to decide what they want to do for the rest of their life right now. Even I've just realised that what I am truly interested in is material science, genetic engineering, and computing. Weird combination eh?

I think teenagers today fall in love not with people, but instead, they fall in love with love.

2010-11-12T23:35:00.001+08:00

"Every negative emotion, if not resolved within a reasonable period of time, will damage the physical systems that relate to the connecting emotion.

Anger seems to cause headaches and migraines.

Fear and insecurity cause chest and heart problems.

The upper back and neck problems indicate that the individual resents too much work or responsibility.

Every physical disorder is connected to a negative emotion or combination of emotions."

Woah. I know people like these... Cool stuff

I'm posting a bit too often = not so cool

2010-11-12T21:03:00.002+08:00

why do the waves come in?

if they continue doing that, how does the water on the beach go back into the sea?

if waves break against one beach, does it mean they recede on another?

2010-11-12T21:03:00.001+08:00

why do the waves come in?

if they continue doing that, how does the water on the beach go back into the sea?

if waves break against one beach, does it mean they recede on another?

2010-11-11T21:50:00.002+08:00

5 papers down, 9 more to go.

So far, chem was by far the worst.

I need to really buck up and try hard for paper 2 and 1 (which is my worst)

GP was alright, since I had a question within my comfort zone that i'm sort of passionate about.

Wrote on lifestyle and medicine.

It still feels a little wasted after preparing for a hardcore science question that turned out to be dead boring. (how has tech impacted skill levels of ppl today. pfftt)

Bio was feed, totally. There were at least 15 free marks fill-in-the-blank questions.

Just gotta keep up this pace for paper 3.

I think bio tuition really helps with confidence :P

Maths paper 1 was a godsend.

At first i thought it might be a repeat of chem. haha

Shall go off to study for maths paper 2 now.

oh I just finished the unlimited bladeworks movie today.

It's quite a big letdown. There's no way to squeeze a 20 hour storyline into 100 minutes..

2010-11-09T22:32:00.001+08:00

chem wasn't fantastic, in fact its much harder than i expected, not A level standard at all.
But again, it was easier than prelims at least :)

An A is still possible!

Tmr is bio and GP.
Let's go get 2 more As!

(the attitude of this post was inspired by this article )

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_effect

2010-11-05T23:57:00.002+08:00

maybe we shouldn't try so hard to appear mature and refined.

one day, when we become adults, we'll come to regret not having been childish enough when we were still children.

i'm apprehensive of what lies ahead
i wonder if there are people who can accompany one all the way

2010-11-05T23:34:00.002+08:00

arg. i need to stop re-reading mangas.
somehow they appeal even more than the first time..
i don't think i'll ever get tired of this one :X

okay back to my poor attempt to revise physics.

oh yes. the first ucas reply came in.
conditional offer at imperial, for biomed engineering.
AA for Maths and physics, then A for chem/bio

This should be a motivation =)

2010-11-02T19:04:00.002+08:00

With people becoming more and more concerned about looks and appearances,
it's no wonder that DSLRs are becoming more and more popular.

The desire to look good + a device that captures good appearances/enhances them
= $$$$ + a new craze

Hence, I shall get a DSLR if i decide to take up a scholarship to go university.
:P